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O How I Missed You

sometimes memories drift into the conciousness like memories do fleeting things that align with times second hand for a moment then you say to yourself I will never forget this moment that i just remembered once again for the first time and then time goes by and you forget you even remembered the memory and then you remembere you had a memory remembrance and you couldn't remember if you tried like doors opening and closing like rock candy from the cavern cave of childhoods greatest menegerie the manager at the perfume store last nights dream i swear enya and mirella showed up just to haunt me and make me jealous and i was still jealous in the dream it was a lasting epiphany it was already gone from me for i couldn't see and yet still hear this as a child what do children think about I wouldn't know and i wouldn't dare try enter childs mind posture ancient devil inside sitting in the tree of death just climbing again swinging from the vine when i started drinking wine thats when the floodgates released falling down spiral staircases for omnisciences scientology never a more feared cursive hand never a more daunting galavant never find thyself within arm's reach never bask in the glory for too long speak captivated mind reiterated face obliterated by the time i stopped shooting it i said please help me finish this and he did one line it was a gram take it from my hands my heart for thee and thee take it from the corpse of the ancient tree falling take it from the plate iron age gated date dated grave chiseled stone trying to break the chains with the strength of inifinte complexities tying me to thee and thee to she and she to the world collapsing beneath the darkened sky beneath the midnite eyes biting the apple twice in each direction second helping hands vast expanse of nothingness enlighten me again lighten the dance hideous complex sentences masked romance with death and bled for the light, too light, bled for the bleeding eyes licking up the madness from the paint dripping down the walls lifting up the trunk lid to fall in backwards grail spinning at the clowns insistence for a wedding day for a play, so dramatic, so emblematic family crest plot of theives thicker than stacked matresses and deeper than a grave buried beneath cemetary cemented for a monument to blasphemy

hiding from the dawn like daylight burns the minds insepid revelry clawing for the daylight like the sun will never rise again if you don't believe and there enlies the question then is it just you or is it me and whom so decides or set time match to flame candles light dying endlessly wheres the tooth fairy where is all that change where is the place you left it then and where the golden dome shines diamond free where the mind escapes release to beg for punishing chains to keep hands away from bending feet to keep eyes aligned with clouds in the sky wish thinking what can the mind do that is exactly what i was thinking as a child sitting in seventh grade staring at the teachers aura moving in slow motion trying to not fall into a day dream and forget again back to drawing the demons in back to the punk store angry young and diseased they opened it for like one week and i still bought the spikes of the interent inherently when riding bikes with my friends cousin ruth at the movie theatre with some older kids girlfriend leaving through her window and forgetting my studs riding a childrens bmx bike because i wasnt strong riding downhill dropped the rusty car parts smashing them on the rocks diving in clipping a tree and falling straight on my forehead from skate tricks gone wrong what a great invention pavement is building boxes and stacking bricks cleaning blocks its just a chain race to the finish line its just a life that was lived in somebody elses mind its just a moment away remembrances of things forgotten again its just in the files somewhere deep in the library the green book serpentine still just a blank page just a white mask in the mirror reflecting back looking down the hallway walking to and fro crossing thyself a million and one times first further than from closest inspection unto the soul passing through the spiritual undertaking finding nought could ever be again finding thyself is death and death is your best friend finding death is god and god is fire find me a grave man for eyes inspired red blood for red leaves falling from red vines for wine rings on the manuscript of death burnt edge match strike stricken at the poise angels flying wings for noise from every show and unto every dance the steps we left the first presbyterian for always feeling like an outsider within for always feeling like a voyeur unto the realeast yet still never tried it not twice never tried to fit a shape within a circle pit always knew the reason is im not him and he's not me and thats just what it comes down to more simple a scene standing on the trapdoor of the stage of ancient divinity just waiting for the compass to spin finding magnetic north lifting the arms from the case all the while the glass magnifies the eyeless realm from the empty spaces inside deaths encapsulating skull drilled for stars to fly stringing it up like cats cradle through the black temples open door policy come as you go and go as you came finding yourself exactly the same as it's ever been just more words to explain feeling emptiness at the vast expanse of nothing to be said and more to discover ever a fleeting palm to the face ever a fist finding the balance of punching yourself hard enough to feel it just for a break about a dozen holes in walls find me another smashing rock at the time when youre a kid you think wow how convient all these all rusty pieces of car parts just left here along side this big old rock, smashing, now it seems an even greater combination of things the locker opens the guillotine falls to the catapult none more a greater machine wast there at the inventions of childhoods brain none more greater a place to smoke than the torn out bridge when everything went dark there by the lake at the fest it was much like being in my friends garage tripping again all of us seperated in pairs each by a light igniting something all stars are two the sun is one to demand all encompassing lift from the pair of hands praying for forgiveness at church during the silence

i swear to god i looked at him like how mount eerie looked at me, and exactly to the point

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