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Friends on DVD

sometimes its hard to be nice without feeling like youre being gay especially when its someone who's gay who's being nice to you and you're like hey dude you're taking advantage of me because i'm nice and then you feel like you have to be more mean because you don't want to feel gay after speaking to a gay person for real no offense its

just reel back on that for a moment so we can all be friends i feel uncomfortable at the table sometimes i'm just trying to interact do i need to be silent treatment anyway the amount of gay things you see on the interent while trying to be straight makes you insane for thinking about going anywhere near a website little yellow bird walkie talkie bag put that cat in a hat and call it quits im never going back in found the gold and said goddamn it those children have resolved me of my sins how much more innocent can a roomful of naked pre-teens be I just wish I watched porn with sound on once in my life i couldnt ever imagine what thats like I never tried it not once maybe once the sound accidently clicked on and i went straight to hell and i was like please forgive me i ate clams once straight from the niggers feet i mean he plucked them from the ocean of the sea with his toes straight from the diamond sands beneath the black water of the new york city bays and he brought them to us in a cooler and i missed the bake off but when i got home i was tripping so hard still i was like gimme clams! and they were like boy you can have the rest of them and i swear there was still a bowl full for me somewhere in heaven plucking clams from the salt water tree big as elephant ears and ive never tasted anything sweeter besides a triple M rated pussy dripping at the salivating thought she actually told me once you've had enough and i was sour prom and tell me if im going too far if you can reach me somehow i just honesty the best possibility and when i saw her dancing with Solomon at some lame ass party in brooklyn i swear that shit fucked me up worse than my ex girlfriend cheating on me twice with two different kids because i knew those homegrown ruffscallions were really doing me a favor and they knew that i didnt really care i was just obsessed with being obsessed with being insane and somehow it works out in the end but i swear to god when i saw her dancing with Solomon at some lame ass party in brooklyn that was the end of the sign of the times i said this is a sign of the end times and i was like im on a rampage of depression im going to atlantic city with some people for my birthday party in 2013 and we're going dancing bottle service at the side long table grinding looking like i'm in my 70's and i blacked out probably OD'd again and still wanted more abuse find i couldnt find enough to upset about drowning out the sound with more noise hearing people speak like they cant hear their own voice speaking, or better yet, hearing people speak who hear their own voices and know how they sound speaking and continue to speak like that somehow fixes everything i swear i had to say it i had to straight clams from the nigger feet because black foot thats indian and im going cherokee its like how you date someone just because you want to fuck their friends more than you want to be together with them but somehow deep inside yourself you trick yourself into thinking youre a good person and you try to do your best and isnt that what everyone's doing, fuck no, people hardly try, and in trying, fail to see, most things are so far beyond recognition that i could barely believe i went through it to begin with, but i found substance in the simplest of things, the moments when you find yourself alone being happy with the life you live and returning to the people who are pathetic and being like thank god im not them, and even though it sounds unenlightened, i swear ive given everyone a chance and more than one change and enough loyalty to spare a diamond and enough honesty to make peace, because in reality the fact of the matter is, you can see it in their soul they feel the same and youre like just trying to be with someone who commands respect and when you finally find ONE friend he goes off into the distance doing meth and you say to youreself WELL, well, I'm jumping in and other than that there's Mark, and other than that I have a brother and he's a bother, but i love him to death and i'll never be his friend because there's nothing to freaking do anymore since we grew up and we cant be addicts again, i really hope something in my life happens, i really hope to be alive, and really i just want to reitterate the fact that i really cant believe how almost every single person i ever met and talked to really we're so fucking obsessed with themselves it makes me laugh like i wonder if i sound like that, and if i do, quote me, but god's honest truth i guess the trick to being true is just actually hating yourself so much that the few people who really have a clue teach you what it means to really love yourself in spite of all things looking bleak and what it means to really love youself in spite of all things looking bleak is to just touch yourself in the right way everyday for 1001 days until the magic starts happening and then you look away and make sure the sound is off because seriously people who watch movies with the sound on are far behind on learning sign language handwritten letter wrapped in a bullet case because it was written by a fairy i guess i still need to learn how to interact with the gays or maybe i will just never come across one again and that wouldnt be the worst thing ever no offense i just dont want to feel like i cant even speak without being taken for a fool and thats been my toughest battle lately because it feels like i cannot be without seeing and in not seeing i cannot hear and witout hearing i cannot breathe and without a breath Stern was really one of my best friends too even after he went darkness on me in my fragile state but sometimes that when you need it most and I met him through Ken and Ken was a good friend because i needed to meet someone who didn't care as much as I did so we could not care about anything together then and feel like we were still making progress it is funny sometimes you feel like you emulate the people you feel are the closest to you but maybe what that is is the true state of understanding like i used to feel like Evan emulated Erik a lot and i stopped being his friend for that reason and the truth is, he did, but he felt that I emulated Ken a lot and the truth of the matter is, not caring about anything is the opposite of emulation its digging in bones beneath the skin coffin of sin absolutely frisked taking a piss outside 285 Kent with a 40 in my hand and getting arrested but not taken in hopping the turnstyle and buying fresh subway cards for two dollars cheaper than full price just to save a cent like taking a stand sometimes that what walking is i guess some people just never have tried it not once in their whole life and even when they think they are it just looks like their bending over and they say thats exactly what I want you to think and you say to yourself i never had to think not once not twice knock three times to find yourself tongue tied in knots twisted to the bed post because thats how much i love you because thats how much i dont want you to go who brought rape into the picture who brought evil to the surface of the face who in the mirror laughs at themselves thinking they finally found a place to be who has the time who the date who walks in circles around the hallways in silence to discover space is the time time is the undiscovered space ancient paradigms dripping in through the seams tearing at the picture frame smashing the mirror with your forehead because trying to buy minutes on your phone is so frustrating sleeping on the floor because its cleaner than the bed sleeping on the bed because you dont care about being clean bringing bedbugs home from Montreal and finding them digging into your face and losing grip about the same in the loft again after having dreams of things spoken of and hardly noticed things passing in the distances because before you are honest you are innocent before you are innocent you are ignorant to think that innocence is ignorance its the only saving grace one has in this honest land when all else is lost it is the only thing you have left honesty and innocence the only faith one needs is respect and before i catch you a mile away i could it see it coming through the blind man's eyes always been listening like a deaf man smiles like silence isnt mute its more alive than you'll ever be finding nought in one's brain besides a few years of experience and the experience of what besides nothingness at the vast expense of things to be known, unknown instances of alignments with God ever at the fingertips fleeting touch ever a distance away from the dance of elves and fairies in the dream land of diamond thrones for sand from to the sparkling water glass tapped for blood

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