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09* formerly known as lll

I honestly don't know something that would be meaningful to me the way meeting Dido was


so meaningful to Caroline. These days. I find I, my mind, reaching eyes in every direction to


find I seek meaning in a way things are satisfying. I still don't know which side is which, I've


looked it up 100 hundred times and the dark is ever darker and the white is ever shininger


and I could say to myself, release, mind, and answer thee thy own, but I'd never trust it so


one time, my ex girlfriend had a ring of that old thing and it was one of those rings that is


two rings, ring ring, and i forget how we decided who wore which but i got the black side


and i know that that is the feminine side but the feminine side of what, more to be what


thee seek, and in seeking, sought the same, end over end enflammed, the meaningful to


me seems so far away and out of possibility, every hour that passes by less connected


the things happening, the content, is immaculate, and its surprising and its fun and stuff


i've two beers in the fridge and i've just finished one, its 11:23 am, it opens at 11, we'll be


there at 10, and we will scoff and say, bah humbugh, i opened this beer at aproximately


9:340, and anyway, these connections online, it's fun and it's entertaining, and its something


to be said, but honestly, I can't wait for it to end, like the further we get into it, the less I feel


anything, which is interesting to me in a way things are interesting, to be investigated, to be


invested, in a paradigm of connection, that leads to obsession, that then creates progress


and every step then, a web of filaments bursting light, and it could happen again and again


forever, I wouldn't doubt it for a second, ever revealing itself in new ways, new seasons old


dates, the last sip of the beer, and then, I'm getting the second, to the second, 11:30, all


hands on deck, round the frame, digital, without seconds, without pressing, a flower in the


book of all the ages, many of them, and many memories, and many lines to read, and in


books, somewhere deep, the mind is free, the mind is a flying soaring seeping kind of green


seeping through the seems, ivy league, vines twisting, growing through everything, i need


and yellow, yes darling, the want to be, clear on one thing, and very revealing it is in the way


eyes read, mind gives into giving when so asked to give and in giving, is freed? or, by some


ever dashing demonstration of give to take, shall thee be so afraid, shall thy self to give be


so given at the beckoning, it is a sordid parlay, who's party is this anyway, what ever open


door have I thus been walked through, and whose roof am I staring at again, who's second


and every trail thusly walked in reverse leads ever onwards, things thought of likened to


things forgotten, and hardly ever abused, hardly ever considered thoughts as far as thoughts


are to go as thinking does, let alone, feeling, what of, and in feeling does thy mind find truth


or is it even as a conditioner, shower scene, you're so abtruse, playful thing you, forget to


breathe i do, i just i, so tired of trying, there is an endless nothingness above the abyss, the


hand above the precipice, all along it was the wind, that somehow gives meaning to my sins


yet, I am optimistic, and in better moods, i know i, needst thou as I needst thee to see in


open eyed revelry, shocking it must be to succeed, I wouldn't, the fight for living, to life


alive, was something, and when it wasn't anymore, well, it just goes in ways so differently


for each to their own, and as far as lines go, who knows what the tongue speaks, my heart


bleeds somewhere deep buried beneath the ground, new sounds, old feels, it is the


sacrifice of everyone that gets left behind, out of my mind, out of sight, out of life there is


yet but a few, and of the few, whom, and of whom, thee, and of what more is there to say


than it's up to me, and then it also isn't, because when minds relate, relay race, confirmation


is ever a reality away, when one slips to fall, they fall, and in the fall, leaves fall, and when a


leaf falls, they fall downstream, every drifting away from me, and I, I think nought of things


drifting, I grasp not at trying to make a point to be, so clear it is, the sky, so bright it is,


the sun, the wind moves the hand above the precipice, the hand does not move itself to be


something moving, just to move, never, and another breath, just to breathe, its ever to be


something, and the weight of each one, tied the leather strap in knots, pulling the ship again


through the desert sand, straight along the compass, shot arrow to the mirages dwindling


away, away, into obscurity, it is approximately Wednesday, October the 18th, and I will


rephrase my original proposition, It is hard to imagine anything being as meaningful to me


again as how meaningful it was for Caroline to meet Dido, as far as Im concerned that could


be the last meaningful thing that ever happens ever in all of time, thats how meaningful it


looked to me, and I honestly have listened to that album approximately 9 times and I still


have no idea what part Dido even sings. What does it even mean to try, drinking coffee


and beer at the same time, i just made an english muffin and ate one boxed croissant, a


lot of the things im reading i cant read when im drunk so, i will write instead, and what


what I talking about, oh yes, all of the things we become, and it is meaningful to be, so


something, the pen, that pen, i cant remember if i put it in the pack with the rest of the


thing i left, or if it just happens to be a decision we've both made, i went to the store one


day back then about a few days ago to buy a new pen and i didn't have enough money to


buy one that wouldn't be annoying to my hand after about fifteen minutes of writing with


it so i didnt, so i have a dip pen I've been writing with just a bit, it is very fickle and timing


is all things when it comes to ink, I have finished the first book of the great treatise, I read it


four times, and now I am reading two other books, one that is green, and one that is blue,


and is it not fantastic the way there are mysteries, lead at each end, o tell me when the


dance begins, i couldnt take the pleasantries, i cant look in the eyes and see something in


each and every being the same, conversate, Im just drinking to pass the time away, Im just


in love with a few witches, and dead men don't talk to graves, find thyself in a deeper way


somewhere where things a better for you, somewhere where things a good, this evil is


true distance, far from insistent, thou and thee, few and far between, who am I talking about


anyway, all lies speak some truth, all eyes see light in some way or the other, and all minds


speak their mind, all hearts beat in time, all feet walking step, all hands reaching, grasp at


nothingness, to find thyself in thee abyss, the pendulum has barely yet begun to descend


freed hands, walking round the table square, circling the drain, and deciding, yes, this is


exactly where I need to be, strapping the legs, the wrists, the neck a magnificent catch


the mechanism in the compass begins to click, like sand grains fall through glass, to hit


and tumble to the side, being a character is what I;m trying to escape, there must be


something to this place, there must be someplace to be someone, there must be some


one to be placed, picture frame, what's your name, tell me more about the ever prevalent


goodness of reality, this isn't me, it's just the beer speaking, its just dead man's tongue


lucidity unplugged, revelations of epiphanies, sonic comedy, silent drama, but how can


that be, when actions speak louder than words, and when words speak, the opening,


it is all, reading between the lines, walking out of step in tune with every mastermind


whose thinking thoughts about thinking thoughts about, in a round about way, take


and then give, give and do not create, and in un-creation, anti-theory, and while were


on the subject [=-p-\/ like three lines got erased, my cat is a genius I can't stop her

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